yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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