Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
