so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
