Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
