i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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