You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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