when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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