Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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