So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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