I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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