The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can I color on your dick again?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
