White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
