Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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