Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
