Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
