Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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