Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
