that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
