I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
