speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
