Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
