Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
