in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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