Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
