How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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