ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
