Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
