Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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