She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
