i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
honey bunches of taint.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
