My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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