we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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