you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
