if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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