I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
