I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
