So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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