Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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