By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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