just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
