he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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