highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
