the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
