I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
