I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You are a genius and a whore.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
