Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
