quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
