update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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