Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
