New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
