It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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