He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
