i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
