i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its not stalking. its research.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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