based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
