How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
BRING THE BAGELS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
