ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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