don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
